Can’t trust that bourree

I should stop over-eating every single weekend so I don’t feel bloated and sluggish every single Monday. I should, but I probably won’t.

I did go to a yoga class on Saturday. I hadn’t done yoga since I started back with ballet. It amused me that I was very sore afterwards—from the waist up! My legs were fine. I guess there aren’t any muscles in the lower body that dancing doesn’t hit.

Ballet class on Monday was good once I got going, as usual. There were some new faces. One woman attended who was pretty advanced, but maybe she hadn’t danced in a while. We both struggled to get the final diagonal combination. She was making jokes about it, which made me feel silly for feeling intimidated by her at the barre. I really need to get out of that mindset. I overheard her buying a dance card after class, so maybe she will be a regular, too.

I took all the releves that were offered: a fondue and a frappe combination. I felt pretty strong and sturdy, but by the time we got to practicing some pirouettes in center, I laughed out loud in the middle of a combination because I tried to go up into a passe balance and was just like, WHUP!! while coming up into the passe at a total angle and nearly tipping all the way over to the ground. I managed to get my act together and did what felt like some nice singles. I should go for doubles sometime! I’m saying “should” a lot! Well!

I’m trying my best over here, okay?

Do you ever feel awkward about how often you come to class? No, just me? It has been almost a month since I started taking classes at this studio. I haven’t missed one class. I have also never introduced myself to the teachers or any other student. After class last night, I was the last one left putting her shoes back on, and I hurried to do so as fast as I could, rushed out of the studio and said, “Goodnight, thank you!” to the floor. Why do I have to be so painfully antisocial? I am an introvert to be sure, but I’m not normally antisocial. I enjoy meeting new people, going to parties, etc. But sometimes (a lot of times), I’m not in the mood, and if I’m going through a particularly tough time, my anxiety goes through the roof to where it’s hard to even go to the grocery store. Anyway—I’m not going through a tough time, but I do think my antisocial behavior worsens when I’m tired, which I always am at the end of ballet class. It’s not that I feel anxious or nervous, it’s just that I don’t have a social autopilot  setting, nor do I have any energy to manually come up with stuff. Hence, I find myself avoiding eye contact and literally running out of rooms.

Well. None of the other students really say much, either. There is usually that one who stays after and has the teacher watch her do something over and over and explain what’s going wrong. I kind of wish I could be “that guy” but I totally never will be. Plus it might be bad etiquette.

I also thought about how weird it was that my instructors know a lot about me as a dancer, from having me in class every week for a while. They know what level I’m at, they know my bad habits and my strengths. But they don’t know anything about me as a person, not the first thing! So strange. Well. I guess they know that I am not a talker. Although I ask questions sometimes! I asked a question last night! I said, “Is our left leg the standing leg when we do our pose at the end?” So THERE.

That last combination I mentioned, from the corner, was a bit of a drag at the end of what was a pretty good class. Again, I’m talking from my perspective—it was a nice combination, I just could not get it down. What is the jump where you sort of float, as if over a puddle, with both legs bent, you see men doing it a lot, arms outstretched with palms up? It’s not a giant jump but I guess since it is from one foot to one foot, it’s a jete? I’m sure she said the name, I probably should have asked her more about it. Anyway, we had to do one of those, and I think I got it but all the little linking steps kept tripping me up. The combination went on into a tour jete and I always second guess which way you turn leading up to the kick. It was basically all a big mess.

Other than that, I felt that I did a few decent attempts at petit allegro combinations, although I got no feedback so who knows. And just like in pirouettes, I felt really off-balance (I was off my leg!) during adagio.

I love the barre in the Monday class. She mixes it up just enough to make it pretty, but not so much that it’s too hard to keep up. And I like how she will give two different combinations for the same exercise a lot, so we can do one slowly for technique and then one quickly for choreography (actually she does this throughout the class, it’s nice).

I guess that’s all I have to say. Mondays amiright?